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After Disaster What Now?

Several Documents to Help you Deal With IT!
• After Disaster: What Teens Can Do 
• Coping With Stress
• Dealing With Grief
• After a Disaster: A Guide for Parents and Teachers
• TALKING WITH YOUR KIDS ABOUT TERRORISM

• Whether or not you were directly affected by a disaster or violent event, it is normal to feel anxious about your own safety, to picture the event in your own mind, and to wonder how you would react in an emergency.
• People react in different ways to trauma. Some become irritable or depressed, others lose sleep or have nightmares, others deny their feelings or simply "blank out" the troubling event. 
• While it may feel better to pretend the event did not happen, in the long run it is best to be honest about your feelings and to allow yourself to acknowledge the sense of loss and uncertainty.
• It is important to realize that, while things may seem off balance for a while, your life will return to normal. 
• It is important to talk with someone about your sorrow, anger, and other emotions, even though it may be difficult to get started.
• You may feel most comfortable talking about your feelings with a teacher, counselor, or church leader. The important thing is that you have someone you trust to confide in about your thoughts and feelings. 
• It is common to want to strike back at people who have caused great pain. This desire comes from our outrage for the innocent victims. We must understand, though, that it is futile to respond with more violence. Nothing good is accomplished by hateful language or actions. 
• While you will always remember the event, the painful feelings will decrease over time, and you will come to understand that, in learning to cope with tragedy, you have become stronger, more adaptable, and more self-reliant.

Stress is our bodies’ natural response to danger - preparing us to “fight or flight.” Unfortunately, our bodies aren’t fine-tuned enough to distinguish between situations that are truly life-threatening and those that are merely upsetting, annoying or frustrating.  Situations such as traffic jams, deadlines and waiting in line at the market can also produce a stress reaction.

Some stress can actually be stimulating and help you concentrate, focus and meet challenges.  However, too much stress or unhealthy responses to potentially stressful situations can lead to emotional or medical problems. 

 

Rapid breathing Sweaty palms Dry mouth  Inability to concentrate Accident prone Sleeping too much Nightmares Lack of energy

Feelings of isolation  Frequent headaches or stomach aches Increase in alcohol or drug use Change in eating habits Insomnia Irritability Depression Impatience

You can never remove all of the challenges in your life, but you can develop healthy ways to deal with your stress.  Good nutrition and regular exercise are extremely important for stress management.  When we feel “good” physically - it is much easier for us to deal with stressful situations when they come up. 

Other things you can do to help reduce your stress level include:

Watching a funny movie  Taking a bubble bath  Singing a silly song  Pampering yourself  Planning a vacation -  whether you take it or not

Smiling more Writing a letter to a friend  Physically working off your stress by exercising  Practicing deep breathing and other relaxation techniques

 
Some of these suggestions may not be appropriate in a work environment (your co-workers would probably think you were a little strange if you suddenly broke out in song during a business meeting).  However, there are many other ways you can reduce your stress at work:
 

Create a pleasant work environment in your immediate surroundings.  Soft lighting, enjoyable artwork, relaxing music and some cheerful plants can create a calming effect. Begin your day by organizing your work and setting priorities. Clock watch.  When you feel stressed, stop everything and watch the second hand of the clock for a full minute.  Give yourself a minute of deep breathing. When you’re uncertain of what’s expected of you - ask questions.§ Daydream.  Take mental breaks by thinking of quiet, relaxing things.  When you’re feeling down, dress up - it can make you feel better about yourself and send a positive message to everyone else. Reduce the noise level around you, if possible. Take a creative lunch break.  How much of the area within a lunch-time radius have you explored? Celebrate birthdays or other events as a break in the routine. Don’t take your job with you on your breaks.

People who react to stress the best are those who manage balanced lives.  They recognize and attend to their own needs in all areas of their life.  If you need help managing stress - call MHN.  You can talk to professionals who know how to help 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  All contact is kept strictly confidential. 

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Dealing With Grief

No matter what the cause or how prepared you are, the death of someone close to you is difficult to overcome.  Grief is nature’s way of protecting us against loss.  The grief process can begin with the news that someone close to you is seriously ill.  For others, however, grieving begins with a sudden unexpected death.  Whatever the circumstance, by allowing yourself to grieve you can deal with the loss in a healthy manner and grow stronger in the process.

When dealing with an impending or actual loss of someone close, you may have the following reactions:
 
• Disbelief 
• Sadness 
• Guilt 
• Fear 
• Lack of motivation and interest in usual activities 
• Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness 
• A resurfacing of psychological problems
• Renewed sadness related to a past loss
• Focusing on recounting the events that led up to the death


Behaviors such as sleeping a lot, compulsive buying and drinking are common defense mechanisms that prevent you from facing the reality of the situation.  Denial often occurs when the truth is too painful to deal with.  Denial can be a healthy form of protection that gives us time to adjust to the reality. However, you can’t stay in denial forever.  You must accept the loss before you can begin the healing process.

The stages of grief include shock, denial, guilt, anger, depression, acceptance, working through the pain, integration and developing new strengths.  Each individual’s grieving process is different.  People experience a range of emotions at varying times.  Special occasions such as holidays, birthdays and anniversaries may bring back feelings of mourning.

Grieving allows us to experience the pain and begin to overcome it by crying, talking about it or writing it down.  Just as a physical wound needs time to heal, recognize that the emotional recovery from a death also takes time.  It may seem cliché, but time actually does heal.

Here are some suggestions to help you deal with the news of a life threatening illness or a death of someone close to you:
 

• Expect a range of emotional responses - this is normal.
• Forgive yourself for what you did or didn’t do.
• Be available to talk to others who share in your grief - it can be beneficial to all involved.
• Cry when you feel like crying and scream when you feel like screaming.
• Seek help from friends or professionals - you don’t have to go through it alone.


If you would like to talk to someone about what you’re going through - MHN is just a phone call away.  Professional counselors are available 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  All contact is kept strictly confidential. 

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Note: Information based on brochure developed by Project Heartland -- A Project of the Oklahoma Department of Mental Health and Substance Abuse Services in response to the 1995 bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City. Project Heartland was developed with funds from the Federal Emergency Management Agency in consultation with the Federal Center for Mental Health Services.

Natural disasters such as tornados, or man-made tragedies such as the bombing of the Murrah Federal Building in Oklahoma City, can leave children feeling frightened, confused, and insecure.

Whether a child has personally experienced trauma or has merely seen the event on television or heard it discussed by adults, it is important for parents and teachers to be informed and ready to help if reactions to stress begin to occur.

Children respond to trauma in many different ways. Some may have reactions very soon after the event; others may seem to be doing fine for weeks or months, then begin to show worrisome behavior. Knowing the signs that are common at different ages can help parents and teachers to recognize problems and respond appropriately.

Preschool Age
Children from one to five years in age find it particularly hard to adjust to change and loss. In addition, these youngsters have not yet developed their own coping skills, so they must depend on parents, family members, and teachers to help them through difficult times.

Very young children may regress to an earlier behavioral stage after a traumatic event. For example, preschoolers may resume thumbsucking or bedwetting or may become afraid of strangers, animals, darkness, or "monsters." They may cling to a parent or teacher or become very attached to a place where they feel safe. 

Changes in eating and sleeping habits are common, as are unexplainable aches and pains. Other symptoms to watch for are disobedience, hyperactivity, speech difficulties, and aggressive or withdrawn behavior. Preschoolers may tell exaggerated stories about the traumatic event or may speak of it over and over.

Early Childhood
Children aged five to eleven may have some of the same reactions as younger boys and girls. In addition, they may withdraw from play groups and friends, compete more for the attention of parents, fear going to school, allow school performance to drop, become aggressive, or find it hard to concentrate. These children may also return to "more childish" behaviors; for example, they may ask to be fed or dressed.

Adolescence
Children twelve to fourteen are likely to have vague physical complaints when under stress and may abandon chores, school work, and other responsibilities they previously handled. While on the one hand they may compete vigorously for attention from parents and teachers, they may also withdraw, resist authority, become disruptive at home or in the classroom, or even begin to experiment with high-risk behaviors such as drinking or drug abuse. These young people are at a developmental stage in which the opinions of others are very important. They need to be thought of as "normal" by their friends and are less concerned about relating well with adults or participating in recreation or family activities they once enjoyed. 

In later adolescence, teens may experience feelings of helplessness and guilt because they are unable to assume full adult responsibilities as the community responds to the disaster. Older teens may also deny the extent of their emotional reactions to the traumatic event. 

How to Help
Reassurance is the key to helping children through a traumatic time. Very young children need a lot of cuddling, as well as verbal support. Answer questions about the disaster honestly, but don’t dwell on frightening details or allow the subject to dominate family or classroom time indefinitely. Encourage children of all ages to express emotions through conversation, drawing, or painting and to find a way to help others who were affected by the disaster. 

Try to maintain a normal household or classroom routine and encourage children to participate in recreational activity. Reduce your expectations temporarily about performance in school or at home, perhaps by substituting less demanding responsibilities for normal chores.

Finally, acknowledge that you, too, may have reactions associated with the traumatic event, and take steps to promote your own physical and emotional healing.

TALKING WITH YOUR KIDS 
ABOUT TERRORISM

1. What Kids Think at Certain Ages:

Preschool (3-5y) 
Images of fires, smoke and hurt people equals something big and powerful and very BAD.  They pick up on parents’/adults’ fears and anxieties without anyone having to say a word.  Their misconceptions often leave them very confused and unable to know what is real and what is fantasy.

School Age (6-8y)
Concerned about their own and their families safety.  They fear that something will happen to them personally or their family/friends. 

(8-11y)
They are most at risk for emotional problems due to fear because they understand the reality of the situation, but have difficulty with society’s concept of violence.
 

2. Minimize News Watching.  If your child does watch the news on TV, closely watch for their reaction to what they are seeing.  Younger children will not be able to verbally express a reaction, but may show discomfort by looking away or squirming.  A good response would be:  “That looks pretty scary.  I’m glad we are safe at “home” (or wherever) and what you are seeing is happening very far away.”  Be prepared to answer honestly any questions or respond to any comments your child may have, but don’t give them more information than they are seeking.  Let them guide you with their questions as well as their actions. 

Try to watch the news in moderation by not having the TV on all day long.  This really overexposes children to too much information, and gives them the signal that YOU are extremely concerned, which may enhance your child’s fears. 

3. Limit Adult Conversations Regarding the Attack.  An important way for most adults to deal with such a tragedy is to talk about it with family or friends, but some conversation is inappropriate to be had in front of younger children.  It is important to closely watch what you say in front of children; never take for granted that they are not listening, or that they do not understand what you are saying.  Children can take bits and pieces of conversations and create misconceptions that often are more scary than the real information.  Limiting adult conversation in front of children will help prevent magical thinking which may lead to greater fears.
 

4. Acknowledge Their Fears and Offer Reassurances.  A sense of security is very important to children of all ages.  During violent conflict, children need reassurance that their personal world is safe.  Oftentimes, they may not verbally express having fears, but that does not mean that they don’t have fears and concerns.  A good start for a discussion could be, “I know that you may feel a little scared by the hijacking and crashing of the airplanes, but you will be okay.  I (We) are here to protect you and take care of you like we always have.” 

Older children also need this kind of reassurance, but you can go into more detail about specific fears that they might be having.  It is always okay for you to initiate conversations about news stories that may be troublesome to those children viewing or hearing them.  Acknowledging your own feelings, such as fear, anger and sadness, is very appropriate, and gives them permission to have such feelings also.

5. Monitor Children’s Play and Verbal Statements Regarding the Attack.  Children will often use play as a means to work through intense feelings.  Fantasy play with such items as toy guns or soldiers, as well as a certain degree of roughhousing, offers children an acceptable outlet for their aggressive tendencies.  If your child plays with aggressive toys and games to the exclusion of everything else, encourage them to redirect to other more physical activities such as soccer, bicycling, etc.  They may also produce artwork that may show graphic violence that they have seen on TV.  Again, this a means of expressing intense feelings, and is normal.

6. Watch for Marked Stress.  All children exposed to this incident will show some concern about what has happened, especially because it happened within the U.S.  They may ask numerous questions, seem somewhat preoccupied with news, or draw many pictures of plane crashes, fires, hurt people/ambulances, even cemeteries.  This behavior is very normal and to be expected during a time of crisis.

Some children, however, may show a great deal of anxiety.  Especially if they have a family member who is in the military, or who lives close to one of the tragedy sites.  Their concern may show itself in physical symptoms such as bed wetting, sleep disturbances, change in eating habits, fear of being alone vs. wishing to spend more time alone, or even regressive behavior.  Regressive behavior is when a child starts to act like they are a younger age, for example, a toddler who has been potty trained, and now is having frequent bathroom accidents.  If such uncharacteristic behavior persists for more than a few weeks, professional help may need to be sought.  Talk to your pediatrician for recommendations on how to handle the situation.

7. Avoid Making False Promises: Although you can reassure children that they are safe, and that this is all happening far away, it is important to try to avoid making promises that you may not be able to live up to.  This is an uncertain world in which we live, and there are no guarantees that something won’t happen to you personally.  Again, acknowledging that is scary for everyone, even adults, is a good start to answering questions or discussing the tragic events.  It is good to remind children that there are people whose specific job is to help keep us all safe, and that they are doing their best.  You can also say, “The best thing we can do is to live our lives just as we always do and try not to worry.” 

Resource:  Dumas, Lynne (1992)  Talking With Your Child About a Troubled World
 

More Documents:
Helping-Children-After-A-Disaster.pdf 
Manager-Briefing.pdf
Trauma-Recovery-Guidelines.pdf